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Why do you call yourself "math­genius­zach"?

(In case it wasn't clear, this is a joke. I call myself mathgeniuszach simply because I like math and I picked it when I was ten-years old; I'm not a genius by any means)

TLDR; I call myself mathgeniuszach because it's the title 1 gave me after helping 6 and 3 bring back 9 after 7 ate 9.

The Story

A little bit of a warning for the children, this ain't some fairy tale. This is a crime documentary on how 7 ate 9. Only the smartest of mathematitions will be able to understand in full.

Let's go back to square 1. That's right, 1 squared, which is just 1. I was a consultant talking with the start of the natural numbers themself about the order of operations there when the monster-detective that is 808,​017,​424,​794,​512,​875,​886,​459,​904,​961,​710,​757,​005,​754,​368,​000,​000,​000 came up to us to ask for my assistance with a case against 7 that both 6 and 10 had filed. The monster needed my assistance because they were working overtime (I tell ya, even though their work was simple and sporatic they were at doing at least 196,882-dimensional work), and needed to take care of their baby monster 4,154,​781,​481,​226,​426,​191,​177,​580,​544,​000,​000 that day. 6 was afraid of 7 and initially the monster had thought that the reason 6 was afraid of 7 was because 7 may have been a registered 6 offender. The monster quickly ruled this out after doing some background checks, but not before some newbie in the joint leaked the ongoing case on the complex plane (A special plane used for unreal numerical flights). All the numbers who heard started to get imaginary and the joint had to play cleanup, such that even to this day 7 gets unfairly called out. 7 got lucky after the whole case finished and decided not to press charges since the joint helped them get a better life after serving time for their crimes.

Anyway, after reviewing the case further, it was clear that 6 was really afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9. Initially 6 got suspicious when 9 stopped showing up at parties for single-digits only (6 had a little bit of a thing for 9, which 1 often had to break up before 7 and 8 got between 6 and 9 and ruined the party with their pranks and antics), and 7 felt quote, "a bit too full for dinner" that day. After 10, the security guard, reviewed some camera footage, they found the truth, 7 ate 9. 10 was of course terrified thinking they were next after 7 8 9, and filed the case with 6.

However, what we didn't know was when 6 and 10 got together to file the case, 16 independently confronted 7 about the whole ordeal. 7 ended up deflecting but ended up turning themselves in a bit later that day. 7 ended up confessing almost immediately to eating 9 as their conscience (and tons of worries about upsetting the numerical balance of the universe) weighed heavily upon them. 7 said that they initially got a bit jealous of 6 and 9's flirtatous remarks but also got confused when they heard on tv that they should eat 3 squared meals a day. A little bit of jealously mixed with confusion and 7 ate 9. 7 told us they had then gotten super freaked out after the confrontation and asked 2 (a little bit of a magician with how they seemed to double things) for help. After experimenting for a bit with 2's "dark" arts, 7 could only manage to get 14, 5, and 3.5 to show up. They thought it would be irrational if they continued, so they stopped, and 7 turned themselves in.

At this point, 1 asked 7 if it was possible to bring back 9, to which 7 responded yes, but that 2 said it would probably require 6 and 3 to work together to do so. We got them both together eventually, but 6's emotions were getting out of hand exponentially, so it was NP-hard to get them to calm down. After calming 6 down I brought the two of them together to a spare warehouse. I had to be careful not to integrate them as that would have introduced a new variable to the equation, and this was really just an A + B conversation that I didn't want to +c my way out of. I eventually added them both to a room and 9 just... appeared. 6 got a bit emotional so I had to call 1 to break it up.

1 thanked me for my assistance and gave me the honorary title of mathgeniuszach. 7 served their time and went on to live a better life. 6 and 10 had an even number of mixed emotions but were glad everything ended up okay. Been a while since I last talked with those folk, though it all seems like just a dream now, wondering where they're all at.